Havent been here for long time as it was so little interest in this corner of mine. Often I have felt I wanted to go here anyway and just talk if not only to myself. Because I always have so much thoughts in my mind that I need to get out somewhere. Unfortunately lack of proper time to write have prevented me but now I simply decided to take my time
Now I came here to almost delete this blogger but I see that I after all got very few new and rare followers here. If you read this, please let me know in a comment that you really do!
My first YouTube gathering
I went to the United States
Three weeks of amazing impressions and loads of adventures. Here I managed to meet two great YouTubers who I appreciated a lot to meet. People I could make awesome collabs with and whom I felt I got good exchange with. Would love to meet even more but they was prevented to meet up unfortunately. The collab videos will be on my channel first to then be followed by the rest. I have also built up my videoarchive a lot so everything wont be shared emediately but wait to the appropiate moment to share it
The daily struggle work with my YouTube channel
Once back in Europe I had to start waking my channel back to life again. A daily work that is extremely hard and difficult but made with passion and determination. The positive feedback I receive as comments on my videos and my channel is what gives me fuel to keep going. Often I can feel I want to give up as its almost impossible to get views on my videos but then suddenly I get a comment that cheer me up to keep working
Unfortunately Im extremely slow in my nature and actions. Something I do suffer from in many aspects. I want so much more than I can provide. I wanted to bring on the concept of new video every 5th day but constantly get delayed and prevented from doing it. I bet this will be the death of my channel at the very end. Now my next video is on its way but I once again failed to be uploaded the day I wanted. This makes me enormously frustrated!
jealousy and chasing supporters
To promote myself and my videos is my weakest part in my work. Its dreadful to force people to watch videos and to sell yourself. In such moments I cant help beeing jealous of those who get hundreds of views instantly on upload a video. Often my brain is occupied with thougths on how they do it and "why they and not me" feelings. I try not to let these feelings take over as it prevents me from keep working for my own goals
I have always been very keen to the YouTube community and to support other YouTubers. Lately I have focused even more to find the YouTubers who are in the same boat as myself as I realise that those is the ones who would give the best support just as much as they appreciate my support the most
Missing friends
Sadly many people is very selfish out there who Want but not to Give. I realise more and more who is your real friends and they are extremely few and rare
If you read this text all the way here then you are certainly one of them as you took your time and effort to read all this. Im most grateful to You!
If nobody read this text its fine too, It was still good to speak out somewhere
Oh yeah sorry for the lost images here. I deleted them in a stressed moment without realising they where connected to Blogger. Will see if I can bring them back if there is interest in it
Just me, Yoz
When the YouTube gathering was in UK thought what would be like to be there. It was clear that I can't go as I was busy with other things, but I thought it for a moment what it would be like if on some other circumstances I would actually participate. I watched some videos of the gathering (many of them yours and the one where they interviewed you) and I started to have these second thoughts, like "maybe its not that good idea after all". And why? The feeling probably comes from many sources but I guess the most important factor is what you wrote here: difficulty to find the right people. Just like I briefly mentioned on one of my videos, for the most part I feel disconnected with the mankind. It is not easy for me to find my place among people anywhere. And YouTubers are not exception. So, I can imagine how might feel about that as well. Especially if you had some rough experiences there.
ReplyDeleteI also know about the jealousy. It definitely feels unfair if completely amatourish videos get dozens of views just like that, and others who put a lot effort to their videos and get just a small portion of that. I don't know any other cure for these feelings but just write and whine about it somewhere. Like write a blog post, just like you did. I believe that it should be steamed out one way or another. Otherwise you may gather too much of these feelings into you which probably isn't a good thing in the long run.
Being more open and telling these things is one the great discoveries I have made just lately. I realized that more you tell about the process itself, more likely someone can relate to it and/or find something useful information from it. I don't mean only "behind the scenes" kind of material, tutorials or similar metainformation, but also personal experiences and thoughts and thinking processes during a creative process. This is probably the reason I wrote this here in the first place; I found something that I can relate to and something that is REAL. It's not real if there isn't any negative, annoying and disturbing points out there anywhere. If those are shared one way or another as well, it feels more real to me at least. Jealousy and similar feelings are signs of some sort weakness, but its also humane to have those. That way it they may paradoxically turn to advantage in the long run. But of course, I never said that it would be easy. Great things and achievements never are.
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Erno,
ReplyDeleteI just about wrote a loooooooong reply to you but unfortunately I lost it all due to some login failure. Im about to switch settings for this Blogger account and to creat a new login for it and this cause problems before its settled...
Anyway, Im most grateful indeed for your very thoughtful post. I read it over and over and appreciate that there is someone out there understanding my excistence. Your words:
"for the most part I feel disconnected with the mankind. It is not easy for me to find my place among people anywhere. And YouTubers are not exception"
could be written by me. Its a feeling I have lived with my whole life. Mostly Im able to cope with it nowadays but sometimes it can be so painful that you dont know what to do with yourself. Except not putting yourself into situations that you know will fail sooner or later such as a YouTube gathering. I can do such approaches sometimes when I want to be part of something very badly and want to feel happy about it but the realism always catch up on me
I have learned to not show any weakness anymore out of experiences. So far I have managed not to while in the YouTube community, until now.
When posting the original post you replied to I came to a point when I just couldnt keep silent anymore. Unfortunately all my feelings have drown all my creativity
I hoped that I could get some extra support for my last video something that completely was left out when I needed it the most. I was highly disappointed by this as this extra support in promotion was so incredible important on instant upload and the first days.
Instead I got even less support than I use to do even without any help from a bigger popular YouTuber who could help you
Thousands of thought went through my mind when I realised that my last video was the least viewed video out of all my 47 videos. Total fail was just two words.
That was the end of a long hard work period of struggle and lead to creativity block that still remain soon a week afterwards....